Since Damien had a soufflé yesterday and all I could think of was quiche, I had to look up what the fuck a soufflé is. It is, in its most base form a “lightly baked cake made with egg yolks and beaten egg whites combined with various other ingredients and served as a savory main dish or sweetened as a dessert.” And so I bring to you two, yes two soufflé recipes…Because you know I must know how to make these things.
Spinach Cheddar Soufflé
3 tablespoons unsalted butter, plus extra for greasing the dish
¼ cup finely grated parmesan chest, plus extra for sprinkling (Sprinkle me!)
3 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1 cup scalded milk (This right here tells me I am never going to make this because wtf over the extra step of torturing the milk.)
¼ teaspoon of nutmeg (This can get you high, but again too much work. I’d be better off scalding milk and bitching about it.)
A pinch of cayenne pepper (A pinch? Really? What if my pinch is bigger than yours? Which it probably is. *smirks*)
Kosher salt and freshly ground pepper. (Kosher? Are we getting uppity here? Well, it is a soufflé. It gets a pass.)
4 extra-large egg yolks, at room temperature (meaning you should have gotten them out before reading this ingredient list.)
1/s cup grated aged cheddar cheese, lightly packed. (I’d eat the cheddar while grating it.)
1 package frozen chopped spinach, defrosted and squeezed dry (This sounds like I can get some of my anger issues taken care of.)
5 extra large egg whites, at room temperature (This should be under the egg yolks? I mean, why the hell is it way down here? You could have taken out the extra egg at the same time as the other 4 and saved the egg whites. Or do people who cook read the ingredients list first or have done this so many time or wait, know that a soufflé requires egg whites to get all blowed up as the name implies? I know blown…)
1/8 teaspoon cream of tartar (Tartar makes me laugh. I can see rich people exchanging this along with their Grey Poupon.)
Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F. Butter the inside of a 6-8cup soufflé dish (6 ½ -7 ½ inches in diameter by 3 ½ inch deep) and sprinkle evenly with Parmesan.
Melt the butter in a small saucepan over low heat. With a wooden spoon (Why?), stir in the flour and cook, stirring constantly for 2 minutes. Off the heat, whisk in the hot milk, the nutmeg, cayenne, ½ teaspoon salt and ¼ teaspoon pepper. (I would not have prepared the milk…) Cook over low heat, whisking constantly, for 1 minute, until smooth and thick. (Smooth and thick…he he)
Off the heat, (I guess Ina means take the pot off the fire and do it there. I keep think of Cael in heat.) Okay so off the heat, while still hot, whisk in the egg yolks, one at a time. Stir in the cheddar, ¼ cup of parmesan and the spinach and transfer to large mixing bowl. (Now I get why you need to read the recipe first. She should have listed a here’s what you’ll need too. I would because this giant mixing bowl is OUT OF NOWHERE to me.)
Put the egg whites, cream of tartar, and a pinch of salt in the bowl and of an electric mixer. (Whoa! This is way too fancy. Can I just beat it to death?) with the whisk attachment. Beat on low speed for 1 minute, on medium speed for 1 minute, then finally on high speed to form the firm, glossy peaks. (This has just turned me on. However, NO way can I make this. It requires too much attention, one minute this, one minute that, don’t forget your wooden spoon!!!!!! Are we done with that requirement, by the way?)
Whisk one quarter of the egg whites into the cheese sauce (We made cheese sauce? When?) to lighten and then fold in the rest. (Fold the rest into the cheese sauce? I’m confused.) Pour into the soufflé dish, then smooth the top. Draw a large circle on top with the spatula to help the soufflé rise evenly (Thanks because why really helps, Miss Wooden Spoon.) and place evenly in the middle of the oven. (UH, my oven racks a5re usually even…). Turn the temperature down to 375 degrees F. (That’s sneaky.) Bake for 30 to 35 minutes (Don’t peek!)ßThat’s actually in the recipe..until puffed and brown. Serve immediately.
2 sticks butter, plus extra to butter to butter the ramekins (must look up ramekins)
1 1/3 cups of granulated sugar plus 15 tablespoons (1 per ramekin) (Will need 15 ramekins, thanks for the mention now.)
12 egg whites
1/3 teaspoon cream of tartar (Still laughing from the last mention)
3 2/3 cups of 61% semisweet chocolate, such as Valrhona (sweet product placement.)
12 egg yolks (Again, why the fuck are we segregating the egg needs? I mean I’d like to know up there I need 12 not down here.)
So far liking this way better, looks tons easier and that makes C-Pies happy.
Preheat oven to 375 degrees F
Butter the ramekins and pour 1 tablespoon of granulated sugar in each. (It is really important to know what a ramekin is apparently.) Turn them to let the sugar stick to the butter. (Butter? Oh right we...yeah) and then pour out the excess. Place the ramekins of a sheet pan.
Using a stand mixer, start whisking egg whites on low speed. Slowly add 1 1/3 cups of granulated sugar and cream of tartar. Continue to whisk until medium peaks form. (Just lost me, no mixer and fuck slooooooooooooooooowly)
Melt the chocolate with the 2 sticks of butter in a double boiler (What is this contraption?), stirring continuously for about 7 minutes. (NO.) Then, remove the chocolate from the double boiler and add the egg yolks, one at a time, stirring until smooth. (Yeah, will do senor). Fold the mixture into the chocolate a little at a time. Off the batter to the buttered and sugared ramekins, filling them to the top. Bake for about 15 minutes.
Top with powdered sugar. (This I could totally do.)
Okay so this is waaaaaay beyond my skill level. No way am I making these. I can make pecan stickys and that’s way fucking easier. You make muffin mix and on the side you melt butter, brown sugar until it’s gooey pour it in the muffin tin, throw pecans on top then pour your muffin mix on it and bake that shit. That’s how I cook.
I’m going to lay my head down for a bit. (GRRR) I hate being sick.